Not pregnant.

I got this email today-

Unfortunately, your recipient had a negative pregnancy test this morning. :( It looks like there was a sperm issue looking at the number of embryos that were created. But I know you wanted to know the outcome, even if it wasn’t positive. The good news is that they have 2 more embryos to try with and hopefully the second time around will work out for the better. Sorry to give you this news, but you did everything you could and unfortunately, it just doesn’t work out sometimes for one reason of another. Hope all is well, and I’ll keep in touch! Take care.

I'm so disapointed. I feel so sad for the Intended Parents. I can't believe that out of 14 good eggs they only have 2 embryos left. I guess the IF's spermies just didn't like my eggies!

I hope they get pregnant with their next try. It makes me really frustrated that I still got paid even though they may never get their baby. It seems so unfair. The whole infertility thing is so unfair.

Teenagers all over the world have sex just once and get pregnant. And there are loving couples who try for a baby for years and can't get pregnant. How does that make any sense?

How long will it take for Pam and I to have a baby? As excited as I am to start our journey to mommy-hood the emotional roller coaster of it has me terrified. At least we've got love, and that's all you realy need.

Hopefully next month I'll get the good news that THEY have good news.

Post-Op

I had my post-op appointment this morning. I had no idea what to expect. I got to the clinic and they brought me into one of the rooms and said I didn't have to undress. I laughed to Pam that it was the first time I'd been in that room without taking my clothes off. I was weighed and they took my blood pressure and temperature.

The donor coordinator gave me my check and a thank you note and a really pretty beaded bracelet that one of the other coordinators made. When I first saw the gift bag I was hoping it was something from the Intended Parents, I would have really appreciated a small token of thanks from them. I know they gave me $7,000 but I'm sentimental and would have loved to know they thought about me and wanted me to have a tangible reminder of how thankful they are.

Then the doctor came in and I laid down and she felt my stomach in a few places and then said I was fine and not at risk anymore to develop OHSS. She said I can go back to drinking water (YAY!) and taking baths (DOUBLE YAY!!)

Yesterday one of my coworkers asked if I would donate again, if the compensation was worth it all. My answer is that I would donate again if the timing was right, and that the emotional aspect of it was worth so much more than the money. I loved feeling so special and needed. It was such an ego boost to know how important my role was.

And now I'm back to normal.

Comments!

I've gotten a couple of comments and emails from people saying that they've been reading my blog. That's awesome! I always wonder if anyone had found it. I sent the link to my family and friends, so I'm curious if it comes up in searches or what.

Thanks for the comments, and remember to ask questions if you have them! :)

As for me, I'm feeling ok, still a little sore when I walk or stand up and sit down. It's not exactly pain, but it kinda feels like a bruise, if that makes sense. I have had cramps from my period that are 10 times worse than any pain I've felt through this process! I get cramps so bad that I'm writhering in pain and crying and feeling nauseous.

Work was fine yesterday, but I was definitely ready to come home and sit on the couch and play video games! Thank goodness I only work 4 hours right now. The heat has been terrible, it was hard to fall asleep last night because it felt like I was baking to a crisp, I finally had to get up and hold an ice pack to my forehead. I was spread out all over the bed that Pam ended up sleeping on the couch because she didn't want to make me move. Ah, love!

photos!

Pictures from this morning's adventure!

Waiting for the egg retrieval procedure to begin.


Enjoying my juice box...just after waking up. I remember feeling slightly disoriented but can't remember actually waking up. I was shocked how normal I felt, I didn't feel groggy or anything. I was laughing with the nurses and talking with the Dr and to Pam and I really assumed I'd be feeling awful at that point. I was super thirsty and so they gave me some juice.


They insisted on wheeling me out, but I could've walked!


I just took a bunch of medicine: Vicodin for the pain (which isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be...but I've got the meds so I'm taking them!), Doxycycline so I don't get an infection, and Toprol for my heart to stay normal.

It says I have to take the antibiotic with a full glass of water...but my post-op paper says I'm not allowed to drink water. Go figure. And water is the only drink I love! I can't have iced tea either because that's water. Apparently water will go straight to making me bloated and feeling crappy, so I have to go without it.

And anytime I'm not supposed to do or have something I want it even more! Really though, nothing quenches my thirst like water would. I can drink juice and gatorade and ginger ale all day but still feel thirsty. So annoying. But I'm drinking because everyone said too. And I'm peeing so much more than usual. I think I've gone like 8 times today. I was worried at first that it would hurt to go, but nope. I haven't bled at all either, so that's awesome. I took a nap and I've been eating and generally feeling ok. I'm taking tomorrow off to rest some more, and hoping to return to work on Wednesday.

I still can't believe it's all over.

The egg retrieval...

I'm home! It's all done!

The surgery went fine. I started to cry when the nurse was explaining what to do when I walked into the operating room, she said it's a bit intimidating and it was. I gave Pam a hug and saw she was crying too so that got me even more emotional. As we walked into the room the nurse said "Just remember that you are doing something great and helping a couple have a baby!" and I said "I know, and I'm excited but still it's scary!"

Then I laid down on the table and they had me all hooked up with my IV and heart monitor and blood pressure and all that. The Dr said "Ok, I'm giving you the anesthesia now, it's your personal cocktail... maybe a mojito." I said "Nah, how about a Pina Colada?" and they all laughed (there were like 5 people in the room) and then they gave me an oxygen mask and I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew I was back in the recovery room and waving to Pam. She sat down next to me and said "Wow that was so quick."

Less than 20 minutes had past. The nurse asked how I was feeling and I said I was thirsty and kinda felt like I was having cramps. She gave me some pain medication and a juice box. The Dr came over and said I did great and said I told him I was dreaming of eating. LOL! I don't remember that at all but I don't doubt it!! He said they got 23 eggs and from those it looks like 14 are good and will go on to be fertilized. That's a good number, because he said they average about 11.

My heart was fine during the procedure, they said I was a great patient and all my hard work paid off. I said "You guys always make me feel like such a superstar!" and the Dr said "That's because you really are!"

An hour later I got in a wheelchair and we went home. :) Everyone kept thanking me for what I did and said now my job is to take care of myself. The pain is like a slight crampy feeling, but it doesn't go away like cramps do.

But get this- I'm not allowed to drink water!!!! I have to have clear juices or Gatorade, which I hate. It tastes like salt water! And I can't take a bath for 5 DAYS!!!! I'm so upset by that. Showers are fine but no submerging in water. Sucks. Baths are the only thing that makes me feel better!

Although this Vicodin is my new best friend... and I can take 1-2 pills every 4-6 hours. I don't feel any pain at all. They keep warning of feeling nauseous and I have some anti-nausea medication but I feel good right now. I'm under risk of developing Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, but hopefully if anything I'll only get mild symptoms. The highest risk is 6-8 days from now. Basically, even though they took out the eggs from my follicles, they are now filling up with fluid and will stay enlarged until I get my period in a couple of weeks, which is when I go back to completely normal. The bad part is if they fill up with too much fluid too quickly. But I'm closely monitored and not too worried.

Pam's making me potato soup and it smells SO GOOD. She also bought me a cute basket full of Daisies. I love her. The staff at the clinic was saying that maybe the next time they saw us would be when we're trying for a baby. I can't wait to have children and I'm so glad that I was able to donate my eggs and help a couple have children. The money I received is going straight into an ING account labeled "Baby Fund" for us to use once we start our journey to mommy-hood.

And so my part is done, and those eggs are sitting in the lab maturing for a while until they mix in the intended father's sperm and then in a few days they implant an embryo into the intended mother! And hopefully it sticks and she gets pregnant!! I can't wait to find out.

Ovidrel and waiting for the retrieval

The trigger shot last night was fine, no pain at all.

I have a couple of tiny bruises on my belly from the last couple of injections that kinda hurt.

I had more blood drawn today and then spent the rest of the day at home lounging around. I'm getting much more uncomfortable. The heat these last few days has been awful, I sit on the couch wathing TV and sweat. It's gross.

Pam made a nice healthy dinner of lots of veggies. Plus mashed potatoes, my ultimate comfort food.

I want to go to sleep early. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight...including tomorrow morning! Not even a sip of water. Ugh. So I want to go to sleep and wake up and just go right to the clinic.

I'm feeling nervous and anxious and mostly worried about how I'll be acting tomorrow. I don't want to panic and start crying, but I start to tear up thinking about it! I'm worried about the anesthesia and falling asleep, I wish Pam could be with me, and I want her there when I wake up. I don't know when she will be allowed to come see me and that makes me scared.

I am worried about my recovery, and worried about feeling nauseous.

I think I'll just try to sleep now so it'll just be here and I can stop waiting and worrying. I'm still excited but now there is all this reality of what's about to happen.

Estrogen Levels...

The normal estradiol level for women in my age bracket of 20-29 years old is 149.

Throughout this process and after each day of blood work the clinic calls to tell me about my rising levels, which is a good thing.

I remember them saying I was the 400's, and recently it was around 1,300.

I just got a call that I'm at 2,933.

Holy crap!!!! I'm amazed that my body is going through so much and I feel relatively normal.

Well actually, I feel slightly off, tired and a bit yucky in my tummy. I took a nap which is odd, and woke up feeling groggy and hungry but I don't really feel like eating. Which is also odd for me! But I don't feel ANYTHING like I assumed I would. I thought I'd be having mood swings or hot flashes or at least some side effects. But all I get is an occasional slight headache and I can feel my ovaries thumping around which is getting more uncomfortable each time I stand up and walk around!

I'm doing the Ovidrel HCG shot at 11 pm tonight. The egg retrieval will be at 10 am on Monday morning. I'm relieved that I only have one more injection. Even though they don't hurt (Well, these last ones have hurt a bit, I've been feeling it sting when the medication is injected, but the actual needle doesn't hurt) it's been an emotional roller coaster just to get them done! Thank god for Pam who has truly been so amazingly supportive and an awesome nurse!

My heart is ok enough for the egg retrieval!

Yesterday I had the results of my Holter heart monitor read. Sitting in that waiting room was torture. I was on the verge of tears and trying to prepare myself for the worst, all the while trying my best not to stress out. It was awful. Finally the nurse removed the electrodes and put a rush order on the scan.

Then I went into another room and waited for the Dr.

And I waited. And waited. I think about 20 minutes went by. I was actually pacing back and forth for a while. Finally the Dr. came in and he said that I was pretty much ok. Basically, I'm having PVC's, which is ok and very common at some point in most peoples lives. The issue was trying to figure how many I was having and how often. Hence the 24 hour monitoring.

The results came back saying that I have 9,400 PVC's per day, approximately every 10 minutes. Apparently "it was all trigeminy which is likely benign." The Dr. said in a typical heart patient (old with a history of heart problems and symptoms) 10,000 PVC's would be concerning. But since I am young and in every other regard perfectly healthy, he thinks I'll be fine for deep sedation. He wrote "okay for anesthesia from cardiac perspective."

HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!!!

He did prescribe a perioperative beta blocker for one week, just to keep my heart happy surrounding the surgery. He also was relieved to hear that it's technically a procedure and not exactly a surgery because I don't get general anesthesia and there are no incisions, so as far as he's concerned there should be no problems.

I went upstairs and gave the fertility clinic the good news, and we made sure I could take the Toprol medication without it interfering.

Today I went in for another ultrasound and more blood tests. And I got super good news. Tonight I give myself the trigger shot of the Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) and that means I'm all set for the egg retrieval on Monday morning!

This is a picture of my right ovary. The black spots are my enlarged follicles. I forget the exact number, but she was impressed with how many I grew. My left ovary has a lot less, but that's fine. She said I did a great job and now I need to relax at home and take care of my body.


So now I wait for the phone call that will tell me the exact time to do the last shot, and in turn know the exact time the retrieval will be.

It's so egg-citing!

I'm about to go to the cardiologist again to have them evaluate the results that this heart monitor has been recording.

I feel at peace with the fact that I may not get to donate my eggs after all. It saddens me beyond belief, but I always knew there was a slight chance I wouldn't make it to the egg retrieval. All those months ago, signing all those contracts it clearly states that at any time the cycle could be stopped.

I know that this is about my health and well being, and I feel fortunate that everyone is taking that into such consideration.

If I start to think though, I remember the whole reason I signed up in the first place. I wanted to help a complete stranger have a baby. So again, the part that worries me the most is letting her down. Nobody anticipated there would be heart problems associated with this!

I don't know if they've even told her that there are some complications with me. I don't even know if anyone considers it a complication. But the fact is that in a couple hours I will either be cleared for the egg retrieval surgery or we'll have to cancel it completely.

I've been trying so hard to stay calm today. I hope more than anything that the results show that my heart is fine.

But then again, I truly believe that whatever is supposed to happen will, even if it doesn't make sense or isn't what I want.

heart monitor

Well well well.

I went to the cardiologists today. Got to see a really cool ultrasound of my heart. Pam was in the room too and we could see and hear it beating. We could see the valves opening and pushing the blood out.

Apparently it looked good.

Then I had a 12 lead EKG and (first of all, it's EKG or ECG, they are the same but each Dr. calls it whatever they want.) the nurse said it seemed ok.

After that I met with the Dr. and we watched the ultrasound again and he looked over all the results and asked me a bunch of questions. Then he asked what I was there for and I explained I was donating my eggs upstairs and they noticed an irregular heartbeat and referred me here. I said I need clearance before my egg retrieval surgery which is supposed to be this Monday or Tuesday.

He said he can't give me the OK because he didn't have enough time, since everything looked ok, he wants more tests to really check. Then he checked my pulse and said "Ok, I feel it there, but it didn't come up in any tests we've dne yet." So it's coming and going, which he says could be totally normal and no big deal. But he still wanted to have me wait on a list for a heart monitor. He asked if I could call upstairs and ask the fertility clinic if we could push back the surgery a week or two. I just about fell out of the chair. I tried to explain that it's very time sensitive process and didn't work that way.

I started crying, and saying that this is so much bigger than me and that someone was relying on my eggs for their dream to come true and I've been on all these hormone drugs getting my body ready and blah blah blah sniff sniff! And a woman Dr said to hold on, and sure enough a heart monitor was ready at that very moment! What a suspicious miracle. lol.

So she got me all hooked up and I have to wear it for the next 24 hours. This should show how often and when I get the irregular beats, and how long they last. Tomorrow at 3 I bring it in to have the results read, and around 4 the Dr. will be able to see me and hopefully give me good news. I'm crossing my fingers that I'm healthy enough for the retrieval. It's nice that everyone is being so extra careful with my health, but it's also stressing me out a bit.

Doesn't this look like fun?!


Pam fills the syringe with Lupron-


Pam injecting me with Follistim-


My almost full sharps container!


So I guess now I just try to have as much normalcy as possible until I find out what's going on with my heart.

Easier said than done, but I'm trying.

<3

Today was the first day of school. I went to the clinic and had my blood drawn and bruised for the first time. (After about 12 blood draws I'd say that's pretty good!) Then I went to the surgery room and met with the anesthesiologist who was so nice. Everyone at that clinic is amazing, they all make me feel like a million bucks. She had me lay on a bed and hooked me up to an automatic blood pressure machine and put the thingie on my finger and also she put 3 electrodes on my chest to have an ECG.

The machine started beeping and within a few seconds my heart beat pattern printed out.

This is my heartbeat:



This is what a normal heartbeat should look like:



She said I have a heart arrhythmia, which can be totally normal and if there is no history of heart problems it could very well be brought on my stress and anxiety. Both of which I've been experiencing almost nightly due to my injections. Last night I did my Lupron injection with no problem. Then it took me over an hour to do the Follistim injection. I was crying and freaking out and asking Pam for help then yelling at her and telling her to go away and then crying that she left...and after an hour of that we finally had me lay down on the bed and Pam acted like a nurse and just swabbed my belly, pinched, and did it. The second she did it I was fine and back to normal, just sorry for how I had acted. I don't know why sometimes it's so hard for me to do, but as always, the second it's done I'm fine and cursing myself for getting so worked up over nothing.

I'd say that's pretty stressful.

The anesthesiologist also said I was having PVC's, which I looked up:

Premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) are extra, abnormal heartbeats that begin in one of your heart's two lower pumping chambers (ventricles). These extra beats disrupt your regular heart rhythm, which normally starts in the upper right chamber (atrium). As a result, you may feel a flip-flop or skipped beat in your chest. Premature ventricular contractions are very common — they occur in most people at some point.

Why do extra beats occur?
The reasons aren't always clear. Certain triggers, heart diseases or changes in the body can make cells in the ventricles electrically unstable. Underlying heart disease or scarring may also cause electrical impulses to be mis-routed.

Premature ventricular contractions may be associated with:
Chemical changes or imbalances in the body
Certain medications, including common asthma medications
Alcohol or illegal drugs
Increased levels of adrenaline in the body, caused by caffeine, exercise or anxiety
Injury to the heart muscle from coronary artery disease, congenital heart disease, high blood pressure or infections (myocarditis)

So we're hoping it's not an underlying heart problem but just from stress.

I have to get more blood drawn and an ultrasound tomorrow morning, then at 3 I go back to the hospital and meet with a cardiologist to have some more tests done. This time I'll have a 12 electrodes placed on my body, and then I'll get an Echocardiogram.

Echocardiogram: A hand-held device (transducer) placed on your chest uses sound waves to produce images of your heart's size, structure and motion.

If they still need more data, I might have to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours so they can record at what point my heartbeat does what. I started to cry when the anesthesiologist was telling me I had to see a heart doctor. I explained that I don't have health insurance, but it turns out that this falls under the coverage of the plan that the intended parents were required to take for me. So I guess that means they get billed for this, which makes my heart a little sad to think about.

Now. The doctors have been calling me all day to set up this appointment and ask health history questions and all sorts of stuff. But the one thing they keep saying is to calm down and don't stress out.

And I just happened to have one of my most stressful days at work ever...my schedule is all screwy and I was so upset and kept crying. I'm emotional to begin with, but I'm wondering if I'm extra emotional due to the hormones. Either way, it was a crappy day because I found out I don't have the position I've had for the last 3 years...instead I'm going to have to spilt my time all over the place, and after all that I'm still not elegible for benefits!!

The good thing (well, I don't know if it's actually good but I've been waiting for it!) is that I finally for the first time feel something in my ovaries!! As much as the heart thing worries me, I keep thinking it can't be THAT awful if they are still saying to go ahead and stay on track for the egg donation.

The anesthesiologist even said that the next time she'd see me it would be for the retrieval surgery. So that's awesome. Apparently they aren't too alarmed, and are just being extra cautious for my own safety, which makes me feel really good.

When I walk I feel a dull thud in my lower stomach, on alternating sides and with each step. I can only imagine it's my growing follicles that are enlarging my ovaries and I'm so glad I can feel it! It's supposed to get pretty uncomfortable in a few days, I'm 6 days away from the surgery and by then I should be ready for them to take the eggies out!

Right now it's not bad at all, in fact I feel pretty good considering everything.

My Heart

Went to the clinic this morning for some blood tests and an ultrasound. A nurse checked my weight and blood pressure and then checked my pulse. She asked if I have an irregular heart beat and I said no.

Because I don't.

Then the doctor came in and listened to my breathing and heart and she paused and asked if I have a heart murmur. And I said, "Not that I know of, but the nurse said the same thing?"

So she listened some more and said there is definitely an irregular beat. Then she asked if I had breakfast, and I said no. I asked what was wrong and she said probably nothing, but I should speak to my healthcare provider. I explained that my health insurance ran out and she said that she will talk to the other doctors there and figure out what I should do, if anything.

Then she said that I just might have to get it checked out before the surgery because the anesthesiologist have to be sure my heart can handle being slowed down.

And apparently my heart is beating slowly.

Then she did the ultrasound and I got to see the follicles my body is growing. Everything looks good, she said they are still small but I should start feeling something in a couple of days.

I left and sat in my car and called Pam. Then I hung up the phone and felt my pulse on my wrist. And there it was.

beat, beat, beat, beat, ....., be, BEAT, beat, beat, beat, beat, ....., ....., BEAT

It seems normal then all of a sudden it stops beating, then it does a tiny barely there beat, followed by a bigger faster beat. And it continues on like that, but not in a pattern. There can be 3 regular beats then the pause, or 10 regular beats then the pause.

WTF?!

Where did that come from and how long has it been doing that?! How does that come out of nowhere?! I totally freaked out and called Pam back and started crying. It feels really creepy to feel your heart stop beating for a second.

I came home and started researching online and found that a typical person's hear beats 60-100 times per minute. I checked mine and it just barely made 60 beats. Tried again and got 64. Tried again and got 62.

Bradycardia is defined as a heart rate less than 60 beats per minute although it is seldom symptomatic until below 50 bpm.

So, I guess I'm ok? Ugh. I wasn't expecting heart problems!!

Follistim and my birthday.

Had another hard time with the Lupron injection, we were staying in a hotel in SF for our 5 year anniversary so we brought a cooler with us. We had a great day at the Exploratorium museum, and a delicious dinner, and went back to the hotel to change and get ready to go to a concert. I was going to quickly inject myself but I froze up again. I knew we were in a rush and I think that made it worse, but after about 10 minutes I did it. I wish I could figure out why some times are harder than others.

That morning we went to the clinic and I had an ultrasound and blood drawn and they called and said everything was looking good and now I'm on the next step! So last night I reduced my Lupron from 10 to 5, and then gave myself 225 units of Follistim. That Follistim Pen is intense. The instruction booklet is easy to follow though, and we had practiced at the clinic but still, it's a bit intimidating. I took a couple of minutes to do it but then I was done and it's pretty much as easy as the Lupron.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I kept trying to feel if anything was different yet. I shouldn't think about it, but I can't help it. I feel like there should be something changing...I mean, I know there is inside of me, but I keep waiting to actually notice it. I'm sure once I do I'll wish I didn't though!

Today is my 26th birthday.

I feel good, tired, but I think it's from staying up so late. (I was up till midnight, which for me is very late!!) And I kinda almost think I feel something. I got my period 2 days ago, it's light but I still had my normal awful cramps the first day. But today I feel like there are almost tiny waves of cramp-like feelings.

We're going out for an early dinner with a bunch of frieds and then dessert, hopefully at the Fondue place. I'm going to take the cooler with me again and leave it in the car just in case we don't make it back home in time. The night of the concert I spoke with the doctor and she said it's fine to take the injections an hour or so earlier or later than the target time. I still try to aim for 9pm.

I'm scheduled for the egg retrieval on August 26th. That's in only 10 days!

Video clip of my Lupron Injection...

A short little video update!



Dude, check out that awesome roll of belly I can grab on to! Thank goodness for layers of fat to keep the injections painless!

(P.S. I'm back to counting calories as soon as this is over. lol...)

This is getting so much easier!

Both last night and tonight's injections took less than 2 minutes to do. We went out for ice cream and while standing in line my reminder alarm went off and I realized we had to get home! (Don't worry- we had time to get our ice cream!!)

I walked in the door and got the needle ready and warmed up to room temperature and then BAM! All done! I even let Pam watch.

Nothing to it. ;)

Tonight's Lupron Injection...

...Took place in a bathroom stall during a wedding reception!

We were about to leave and get home in time to do it, but the bride asked us to stay a few more minutes so we did. I went into the bathroom and held up my dress, and Pam was in the stall next to me going potty. Then as she flushed the toilet I did it. Lol. And it was nothing. Just like the others. So easy. Took less than 2 minutes this time.

I'm finally getting the hang of it I think! But I should have held the syringe in my hand a bit longer because it was still a little cold so I felt the liquid going in as I pushed it. So this was the first time I think that I didn't cry. It seems so silly but I'm just being truthful!

Yay for me! :)

#4!

Last night I finally was able to do it myself! It took a while... I get so worked up about it and then I want to punch myself in the head. I know it's not a big deal, but I have these mini panic attacks and I felt like throwing up and I kept shaking.

Really it's a bit dramatic. Pam was getting frustrated that I was taking so long, I think we were in the bathroom for 30 minutes. And then I did it. And it was done and all was fine.

I really really hope it's easier now, though tonight we'll be at a wedding so I'm not sure how that'll work...I guess we'll just take the filled syringe and keep it in a cooler in the car until its time?

Injection #3...

...wasn't easy either.

I wanted so badly to do it on my own. I tried for about 10 minutes but broke down and asked Pam for help. This time I held the needle and counted and her hand was over mine to help make sure I did it. It hurt a tiny tiny bit, but I think it's because we went in kind of slow.

I don't know when I'll be able to do it by myself but I hope it's soon. I get so stressed out thinking about it that when it's finally time I think I'm just a ball of nerves. But I don't even know why! I'm an emotional mess.

Injection #2...

...wasn't any easier.

I practiced on a lime. I watched countless You Tube videos of women all over injecting themselves. I was convinced that I could do it.

But I couldn't.

I don't know what is wrong with me!! You know that moment of pulling off a band-aid and you know you just have to do it quickly because it will hurt but only for a bit and you just need to DO IT ALREADY!

Well this is so much easier, I know it doesn't hurt. There is hardly any feeling at all. But I'm having the hardest time!! I have the needle and I'm ready to go, but then my hand hovers a few inches from my pinched flesh and I just can't. I just can't! It's awful. I had Pam waiting outside while I tried to do it on my own and after a few minutes I had to call her in to do it for me and I started crying. I feel like such a loser because I know I can do it. I really do. But I just need to get over the mental block that is stopping me.

Pam did it and again it was painless and no big deal. It's over so quickly and so easy. It's so wierd because I'm not afraid, I just freeze up and can't make my hand do what I'm telling it to do! Then I beat myself up for being such a baby but in reality THIS IS CRAZY!!! I mean really! This is totaly insane.

But I signed up for this and it's really only the begining so I need to figure out what's going on in my head quickly. I wish I knew that other people struggled with this too.

I will try again tomorrow. I know it's great that I have Pam to help me, but I don't want to rely on her for this. I need to know that I can do it on my own.

I did it! Sorta...

Ok. 9:00 pm is my target time for my nightly injections of Lupron.

At 8:30 both Pam and I were anxious to do it. We decided to play video games for a bit to pass time.

8:55, I say it's time to get ready. We opened the tiny bottle and got the needle all set. Cleaned a spot of my tummy with an alcohol pad. Then it was time.

Pam handed me the syringe and I pinched the spot.

10 minutes later still holding the needle I started to cry. I knew I was just freaking myself out and it wasn't a big deal, I was nervous and having a minor breakdown. I mean, it's just not normal to stick yourself with a sharp object.

Everything in my body was saying I was insane. I tried to remember that somewhere there is a woman who is counting on me to do this so that her dreams can come true.

Pam was wonderful, so supportive and saying all the right things. "I'm so proud of you! You are doing something amazing."

5 minutes later I finally tried to do it. I stuck the needle in, but got scared and pulled away, resulting in a tiny hole and a drop of blood. Got freaked out even more that it was going to be harder than I even thought.

More tears, lots of position changes. Standing, sitting on couch, then I tried sitting on the bed. Gave Pam the needle and she gave me a pep talk. My hand was cramping up from pinching my belly fat for so long. We had to re-alcohol the area.

At 9:22 Pam did it. She did one quick "dart like motion" jab and it worked. It didn't even hurt a tiny bit. She depressed the stopper and voila! All done. Really, there was NO pain at all! I wouldn't have even believed the needle was in me if I didn't see it.

And now it's done. Only it's really just the begining. I think just getting over that first hurdle was the hardest part. Now I know it doesn't hurt, and I know Pam can do it if I can bring myself to. But I think I can. I know if she wasn't around I could do it myself, but I'm glad she's here! :)

It's almost time!

So today's visit was easy. I almost started crying when I was talking to the Dr. and she asked if I was feeling overwhelmed when I saw all the medicine. But it would have been a "I'm happy you know how I feel and I'm just nervous" sort of cry.

It was nice to have Pam there with me. She got to have a front row seat when the Dr. put the speculum in me and took a culture for the FDA. Later when I was putting my clothes back on I asked if she took a peek but she said she looked away. lol. Then I said "Why?! It's just vagina!" And she said "Yeah, I'm not all that interested in vagina."

It was hilarious. I told her I'd have to write that down. lol. So then we go sit with the donor coordinator who is super nice and she was going over all the directions for the injections and we were laughing and having a grand old time. Then I got to practice and ask a million questions.

She left the room to get something and I asked to look at the vagina model that was sitting on the counter behind her. So she picked it up and it broke off of the stand and she said "I've never broken a vagina before!" Lot's of laughs.

Me and the Vag-


I'll update again later tonight in about an hour!

Getting nervous...

Tomorrow Pam and I are going to the clinic so I can get some more lab work done and more importantly to have a lesson on how to inject myself.

I'm nervous. I'll admit it.

It's the not knowing that is killing me. Not knowing how much it will hurt, not knowing how my body will react, not knowing if in the end all this won't be in vain.

I have butterflies in my tummy. I wonder if I'll sleep well tonight.

I had an interview today for an afterschool position that I hope I get. The first day of school happens to be the date set for the egg retrieval. I'm not sure how I'll bring that up if I get the job. I suppose I'll just say I have surgery scheduled for then.

We'll see.

Medication Grab Bag!

I wasn't sure what to expect when I opened the box of medications that was delivered this morning. I knew I'd be taking a few different medicines, but seeing everything all together in the box was a bit overwhelming. I guess I didn't realize it was all coming at the same time. I think I thought I'd be going to the clinic and they'd give me some stuff. But nope, it all came today!



Here's a list of what I recieved, and what it's used for:

-Follistim
(Follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) is used to stimulate a follicle (egg) to develop and mature. It is used when a woman desires pregnancy and her ovaries can produce a follicle but hormonal stimulation is not sufficient to make the follicle mature. Follicle stimulating hormone is also used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs for in vitro fertilization.)

-Ovidrel
(Human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) is a hormone that supports the normal development of an egg in a woman's ovary, and stimulates the release of the egg during ovulation.)

-Leuprolide Acetate
(Lupron is a synthetic version of the naturally occurring gonadotropin releasing hormone (GnRH). Lupron suppresses shedding of the endometrium (lining of the uterus) during menstruation.)

-Promethegan
(Preoperative, postoperative, or obstetric sedation. Prevention and control of nausea and vomiting associated with certain types of anesthesia and surgery. Therapy for control of postoperative pain. Sedation in both children and adults, as well as relief of apprehension and production of light sleep from which the patient can be easily aroused.)

-Doxycycline
(A tetracycline antibiotic. It works by slowing the growth of bacteria. Slowing bacteria's growth allows the body's immune system to destroy the bacteria.)

-a generic brand of Vicodin
-a pack of syringes
-and a biohazard sharps container

Pretty intense! I had to put about half of that in the fridge to keep it cold. Looks like this is finally turning out to be very real. I'm so anxious to get started.

Long time no update!

Everything has been on pause for a while because of summer camp. Thank goodness we were able to hold off until August, because camp drains every ounce of energy out of me and consumes my entire life for 7 weeks!

Today I went to the clinic for a baseline ultrasound. I was told that my ovaries look great (such a wonderful complement...lol) and that we are all set to begin on August 5th!! Pam and I have an appointment to go in that Tuesday and do some FDA testing and injection training.

That's 11 days away and I can't wait! When I saw the Dr. today she said, "You must be so excited to get started!" and I told her how much I was looking forward to August 5th.

They are overnight shipping me the medications. I have to be home tomorrow between 9-11 am to get the package because its time sensitive and needs to be kept in the fridge.

Ok, I'm off to play Rock Band!

cramps!

I got my period last night finally. I was beginning to wonder why I hadn't gotten it yet. And with it came terrible awful cramps. Last night we were trying to finish moving boxes to our new apartment and start cleaning, and when we got home I was in such bad pain. Plus I had some heart burn that was really annoying. I went to bed early. I must have tossed and turned all night long because Pam was sleeping on the couch when I woke up.

Then the cramps started all over again. I haven't felt cramps this bad in a long time. I couldn't even get out of bed. But I did. Then I took a bath and felt much better, a nice hot bath always works. I got dressed and ready for Hawaiian Day at school but I kept having to crouch down on the floor and double over on the couch because I was just about ready to die from the pain. I started crying and felt like I was going to puke. So I called out of work. I feel terrible, absolutely terrible because today was the day we really needed to be at the old apartment to clean and get it ready for the move out inspection, but I just couldn't go because Pam had the car and I felt so awful.

I hate cramps.

We went camping for the 3-day weekend. Finished the last of our antibiotic, yay! I should be getting my period any second now and letting the clinic know when I do and then I'll start the new bc pack on the 3rd day.

That's about all!

antibiotic

Yesterday morning Pam and I started our "twice a day for 7 days" antibiotic pills- Doxycycline.

We left the house and carpooled to work. Stopped at Jamba Juice to get some breakfast. While I waited for my smoothie all of a sudden I was hit with nausea. Bad. I was looking around the store wondering where I'd go if I had to puke. Then they called my name and I got my drink and I walked out to the car. I wanted so badly to throw it away because the thought of eating was making me feel sicker. I sat down and waited for Pam who was in Starbucks. I ate a few bites of my pretzel but was feeling so terrible. Pam got to the car and I told her how I was feeling. Sat there for about 20 minutes and finally asked her to drive me back home. Called work and said I couldn't come in.

It was terrible! The pills directions said to take without food, but forget that! I had an appointment at the clinic for an ultrasound to check out the myterious cramps I've been having, and when I told them how sick the antibiotic made me they said to take it with a modest meal of bread or crackers. So for dinner Pam and I ate a huge meal and then took the pills and were fine. Same with breakfast this morning.

So far so good.

The ultrasound came out normal. Everything looked fine, and they basically said it's just a mysterious case of stomach pains. Typical for me! Doctors never seem to be able to diagnose me.

We moved into a new apartment this last weekend and today we finally have internet and cable! Amazing how lost we were without it. :)

august

The clinic called this morning. They are going to delay the cycle for me so that it happens in August. She said the recipient couple is totally going to understand and no worries! I am so happy. I emailed my summer camp director and gave her the good news that now we're back to normal!

schedule change

I got this email today:

One of your cultures came back with a bacterium (it's very common and not something to be worried about). But both you and your partner need to take an antibiotic to treat the bacteria. Also, please call the clinic because we need to inform you of a change in your cycle plan.

:(

I'm totally unphased by the bacteria problem, having health care is awesome! I was all worried that I threw off the cycle but apparently something is up with the IM (Intended Mother) and her birth control pills, so they have to wait on her to start her period naturally before trying with the BC again.

Then they told me that the cycle will have to be pushed back by "about 2-3 weeks" and I just about started crying. I asked if there is any way they know for sure what dates, and of course they don't, which I understand. But I just finally got that whole week off from camp and dealt with that issue, and now I need to tell them to scratch that, and I might need a different week off but I don't know when. UGH!!!

So I sent this email to the clinic:

I wasn't sure which one of you to email so I figured I'd send it to both of you! I've been having some slight pain, it almost feels like cramps, but not quite. It comes and goes very quickly. Actually, it almost feels like gas, but it isn't. Not sure if its a side effect of the BC pill. I'd say it's been going on for about a week, and it's not bad, but I thought I should mention it!

Also, I'm concerned about the timing of the cycle now that its going to be pushed back. I'm worried that it will have a negative impact on my summer camp job. I need to have energy and be able to run around with the kids, because I'm the Outdoors Leader and it's a very active position. When I requested time off I was unexpectedly met with some resistance, and it was really a tough time for me. I love my camp job! (It's a day camp, not a sleep away camp.)

But we got it smoothed out, and they found someone to cover me for a full week. And now I'm not sure what to say since I don't know the actual dates I'll need off now. My commitment to FPNC and the Intended Parents comes first. I am so excited to be a part of this process!! But I'm really worried about how taking hormones and needing to "take it easy" as it gets closer to the egg retrieval date will effect my performance. My last day of camp is August 1st, and then I have pretty much the entire month of August off. So if there is any way to push back the date to coincide with that it would be really great. I know this whole thing is so much bigger than just my schedule, and I'm really disappointed that my job is being difficult!

It's the uncertainty of timing and the fact that I won't be able to give 110% at camp for a few days and also that camp is only 7 weeks long so missing any time is a real bummer. Something I'm totally willing to do, the cycle is the number 1 thing on my mind and most important thing. But I thought I'd ask if maybe we could schedule it to happen in mid or late August. When I signed up to be a donor I assumed it would happen during the year at my normal job, where I get paid days off, not when I'm contracted to work the full duration of camp and required to bring all the energy I can muster up!

I'm terribly afraid to disappoint anyone, but I feel like my position at camp is in jeopardy and if I can't be the best I can be at camp then it makes it a challenge for me to work there, and that devastates me! When I realized the 2nd week of camp was when I was scheduled for the retrieval, I thought it would be fine because then I'd have the last 5 weeks of camp to be back to normal. But now that's changed and I just don't know how to go about this.

Please let me know if there is anything we can do. If not, it's fine, I will find a way to make it work. What it all boils down to is the Intended Parents- I fully understand that this is all about them!!

I'm so bummed out about all of this. I know this is a serious commitment, and I know things can change at any time, but it's really unfortunate that it's going to interupt my camp job. I don't know if there is any flexibility for me to request a date change, but hopefully so.

Then again, it pains me to think of the IM and how heartbreaking it would be to hear that the donor needs the date changed!! I want so badly for her to be happy and comfortable with this already so daunting process.

I guess I'll just have see what they say.

My letter to the Intended Parents

Hello!

I've been wanting so badly to write to you, but I wasn't sure it would be allowed. And now that I've been given the go-ahead, I find myself at a loss for words. But at the same time, I have so much that I want to say to you! I’ve been trying to figure out for a few days what to write to you...

First of all, thank you so much for selecting me to be your egg donor. You have no idea how much this means to me. When they called me to say I had been matched I almost cried I was so excited! Immediately my thoughts turned to you, and I haven’t stopped thinking about you since. I wonder what your fertility journey has been like, if you have any children already, and if your family is as supportive as mine is with regards to egg donation/IVF. I think about your hopes and dreams for the future, and I’m so proud that I get to help you create the family you long for.

I want you to know that I’m taking this very seriously, and that I hope you don’t have a doubt in your mind about choosing me! I want so badly for this work, and I truly believe that it will. I’ve been doing a lot of reading online about the relationships between egg donors and the intended parents, and one issue that keeps coming up is that a lot of women seem to want some sort of contact with their egg donor. So I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that I’m here if you have any questions at all. I’m very open with my thoughts and feelings, so feel free to use that to your advantage!

I feel like we are living these oddly parallel lives, yet are complete strangers. I find myself smiling even more than usual, just in case you happen to recognize me while I’m out somewhere. I’m making sure to take care of my body so that the eggs I produce are healthy and everything you need them to be. I don’t know if you plan on telling the child about the miracle of their conception, and it is obviously your right to do whatever you believe is best. I trust that you will be wonderful loving parents, which is all any child really needs!

When I tell people what I’m doing, they have a million questions, mostly surrounding my desire to participate in the first place. I go on to explain that I’ve known for a while that I wanted the chance to do this, and that there is no greater gift that I can think of giving. I know that one day I will understand a little bit more what it’s like to be in your shoes, as I turn to a sperm donor to help me conceive. I already struggle with wondering if I’ll choose an anonymous or known donor, and in that regard I can understand how you might feel towards me.

Please don’t feel like you are obligated to respond to this email, I hope I didn’t catch you off guard or make you uncomfortable in any way! I just wanted to send you a sort of virtual hug, a way for you to get a better sense of what this all means to me. I am so excited for you and your husband, and when I saw your “Intended Parents” signatures on my copy of the contract it all became so very real. It gave me goosebumps to think that we both sat in that same office.

I could probably go on forever, but I wanted to keep this short and sweet. My thoughts and best wishes are with you, and I hope this email finds you as excited and hopeful as I am.

Cramps?

I wrote a long update a couple of days ago but blogger got all wierd and gave me an error message. I was so upset and didn't feel like writing it all over again. Now I forget what I even wanted to say.

I feel like I've been having some very minor cramps. Not sure if it's just in my head though.

As far as the date of the retrieval and missing work, I've been given an entire week off from camp, so I bet that's probably a good thing.

May is a busy month for me. Lots of birthdays and mother's day and all that. I was at Hallmark buying cards and I wanted so badly to send a card to the Intended Mother. So I went home and wrote this email to the clinic-

Hello again!

I was wondering if there is any way I could send a brief "hello" note with good luck/encouragement/happy vibes to the Intended Mother. I know this process is annonymous, but I really would love a way to convey to her that I am so excited and hopeful, and I have her in my thoughts every single day. If that's not allowed I completely understand. I figured it doesn't hurt to ask!

Thanks,
Katy


I got this reply-

Hi Katy!

You can definitely send a message to your recipients. I’m sure they would love to hear positive thoughts from you. What you can do is email me your message to her, and I can then send it along to her via email. That way you will remain anonymous. Thanks for your thoughtfulness. It will mean a lot to them!

I am so happy about that! Now I need to figure out exactly what I want to say. I would love love LOVE a reply from them, but I have to keep reminding myself that they must not want to know me because although the process is anoymous, if both parties agree they can meet.

But emails are harmless right? Couldn't the mother and I become email buddies? I feel like we're leading these parallel lives but we're complete strangers. It's so odd to me.

missing work

So far everything is going great, I know I'm only a couple of days into it, and I'm not anticipating a huge change or anything, but surely eventually I'll notice what I'm doing! :)

One hurdle I need to jump over is my summer camp job. Unfortunately, when I signed up with the Donor Agency it didn't cross my mind that the process might happen over summer. When they called and asked if I was available in April, I explained that I was getting married in Hawaii and totally willing to begin if it was ok with them. They said they were sure it would be ok, but that it was also ok to wait until we got back in town. So we decided to begin on April 28th.

Pam is the one who noticed that it would be all happening during summer camp. So when I knew the date of the egg retrieval I called my camp director immediately to fill her in. I explained that I was donating my eggs and that I'd need June 24th off and the following day as well to recover. I also brought up the fact that since I've never done this before and I don't know how my body will handle it, that I might need a few more days off.

I assumed this conversation would go one way, and by the time I hung up the phone I was really concerned that it went the other way.

I love camp. And the camp that I work at is AMAZING. This will be my 3rd summer returning. (It's a day camp, not a typical sleep away camp.) And it just so happened that the hospital is right on my way to camp, which I'm thinking will be awesome for when I need to get blood drawn before work.

But my camp director brought up some valid concerns about my physical and mental state for the first 2 weeks of camp. Since I've never been on hormones or had my ovaries inflate to the size of oranges (as opposed to their normal "golf ball" size) I have no idea what I'll be like.

I feel confident that I'll still be able to give 110% at camp. I'm not anticipating this process as having a negative impact on my performance at all. I hate that I'll have to miss a few days. Camp is only 7 weeks long and it's a bummer that this is happening during that time.

But HELLO! Let's look at the big picture. There is a loving couple out there. Perhaps even somewhere in my neighborhood! There is a woman who has probably had her heart broken a million times while she tried to get pregnant. And that woman wants me to help her. ME!! What an ego boost! This is life changing. Not only for the parents-to-be, but for me.

I'm doing something so huge and important that when I worry about missing a few days of work and that other staff members might frown on me because of it, I need to remind myself that this is about life. This is about me bringing a life into this world. A little baby who will turn into a child and maybe even cross my path some day. Or possibly be enrolled as a camper at my camp 6 years down the line!

The point is that I know this is such a meaningful thing that I'm doing. And if other people don't see that, or understand, then there is nothing I can do about it and it doesn't change how devoted I am.

Birth Control Pills

I just swallowed the first birth control pill. I'll take one every night until May 17th. Which is my sister's birthday.

I've officially begun the egg donation process!

The name of the BC pill is Apri. (How fitting that it's April.) The tablets contain 0.15 mg of desogestrel and ethinyl estradiol.

I've been on BC pills before to help with cramps. I was taking Seasonale which let me get my period every 3 months which meant cramps only 4 times a year. I loved being on BC. I never really had any of the side effects. Sure I was moody sometimes...but who isn't?!

Hopefully this will be a positive experience.

I can't get over how ironic it is that I'm taking birth control pills to help get a woman pregnant. I don't know how anyone ever figured out how this whole thing works.

I do know that I'm lucky that Pam and my family and friends and even co-workers are all so supportive of my decision to donate my eggs.

This is pretty awesome.

Starting the egg donation process.

Today I went to the clinic for my final screening appointment. Pam came with me because as my "partner" she had signed all the forms along with me and needed blood work done.

We were there for almost 4 hours, but had both taken the day off from work so it was ok.

The day started with a quick chat with the doctor about the egg donation process and risks involved. It was all stuff I'd heard before, but she made it very clear that my health and safety was their number one concern. That's great, but I'm terrified that we will begin and have to stop and meanwhile there is a woman out that who feels so close to finally being pregant and she'll be devastated if my body fails me! The emotional side of this is for sure harder than the medical side for me!

Then I had a pelvic exam and ultrasound. My ovaries and follicles looked great apparently. Then I had to pee in a cup (twice, because I had already gone that morning and even though they gave me 2 cups of water to drink it was still barely enough of a sample!) Could have been embarassing but I had fun with it. :)

Next I talked on the phone to a genetics counselor.

Then I had blood drawn, and they filled 10 vials! I couldn't believe it. I've never donated blood before even though I've always wanted too. So it was crazy to see that much blood squirting out of my arm.

After that we signed some more paperwork. We had already signed the contract, but this time we signed the copy that the Intended Parents had signed with their code names. On their copy they sign their legal names and I signed ED for Egg Donor and Pam signed DP for Donors Parner. And on my copy they signed IM and IF for Intended Mother and Father. Seeing their handwriting almost gave me goosebumps. I wish I could see them. I'm so curious about everything they've been through, and I'd love to thank them for choosing me. I know they must be so excited and nervous.

Then I was given the final calendar with my schedule. Tomorrow I start taking the birth control pill.

It's happening so fast! The approximate date for my Egg Retrieval is set for June 24th. I'm going to have to miss a few days of my summer camp job, and that's a bummer. But I just keep thinking that this woman has been waiting so long for her dream to be pregnant to come true...and I'm just excited to get it started!

I'm going to try and update daily or whenever something worth mentioning happens.

P.S.
After we left the clinic we went to eat and saw the movie Baby Mama. It was semi-appropriate, but not that great of a movie.

A couple picked me!

On February 5th 2008 (a little over a year after signing up to be an egg donor) I wrote this in my blog:

A few days after submitting my application I was called and went to the clinic and had some blood drawn, filled out paperwork, and spent about 2 hours touring the facility and going over the procedures.

The donation coordinator called me again about a month later and this time I went in for more blood work and an ultrasound. Then I was sent on my way and told, "The next step is just waiting for a couple to select you!"

Well, I got the call today. I got a phone call from the fertility clinic saying "Congratulations! You've been matched with a recepient couple!"

That means that out of hundreds of donor profiles somebody liked mine the best! I was choosen to give a woman in need the gift of life!! I'm excited beyond words. Apparently the couple liked my profile immediatly, and when they saw my photos the mom was excited because she thinks I look like her. Then they read the rest of my 10 page profile including all the reasons why I want to donate my eggs, and the coordinator said they knew they found the perfect match.

I was a bit concerned with the fact that I'm going to be in Hawaii in April, but they said we can start after I get back. The only bad thing the clinic told me was that I won't get paid before the wedding. lol.

I really can't wait. This means so much to me and I wish so badly that I could contact the prospective parents and tell them how happy I am. It's confidential, for obvious reasons, but if both parties agree they can meet. I would love to, but I totally understand why they might choose not to. Either way I just feel so blessed.

Applying to be an Egg Donor

In January of 2007 I applied to be an egg donor. This is what I wrote in my regular blog that day:

I submitted the final stages of my long and detailed application today. (Including 10photos of me in all stages of my life.) I loved answering all the questions. I find the whole thing so interesting and wonderful.

This is something I've been considering for a few years and seriously thinking about a lot lately. I've read up on all the medical stuff and the risks and all that. I know it would be emotionally draining and sometimes painful (giving myself injections doesn't sound fun...) but overall I think doing something so profound and life changing could be just what I need.

I'm super excited. Now I just hope somebody picks me!

INFORMATION TAKEN FROM THE WEBSITE:

The Four Stages of Egg Donation
Egg donation is known by a few different names such as oocyte or ovum donation. It is part of a process known as in vitro fertilization or IVF. To date, assisted reproductive technology ("ART") with egg donation is one of the most successful treatments performed in programs for any type of infertility. The recipient of the donated eggs is able to experience a normal pregnancy and delivery.

In preparation of donating eggs, you, as the prospective donor, will undergo a thorough psychological and physical examination. As a donor, it may prove to be a rigorous but also rewarding process, knowing that your participation may help in the creation of a family -- of a child -- that is much wanted and very much loved by the recipient couple.

You need to consider many factors when making the decision to participate as a donor in the program. Are you comfortable providing extensive (non-identifying) information about yourself and your family? Have you thought about the possibility that your donation will result in the birth of a child or children, specifically, children genetically related to you? Have you considered whether or not this procedure is something you will tell a future partner about? How supportive is your current partner or spouse? How supportive is your family? Is this something you will share with them? Why or why not? Have you considered any future contact with the child or children -- especially in the case of a medical emergency such as a match for an organ transplant? Have you thought about whether or not you want to know the outcome of your participation? Our program is anonymous unless both parties desire a meeting. Are you more comfortable being anonymous or would you prefer having a "known" cycle? As you can see there are many facets that you need to evaluate to determine if ovum donation is the right choice for you.

Stage One: Selection/Screening

The first step is to complete a very detailed application, which serves as your introduction to the prospective parents. The application asks for you to relate in-depth your family health history, personal habits, hobbies, interests, education, employment and fertility information. It is important to obtain as much information as we can for the prospective parents because this is all that they will have to draw on in their child's future. Your anonymity is protected when we receive your application because we delete your identifying information in the application (name, address, etc.) and assign you a confidential number. If you are accepted into the program, a copy of the file is then placed in our Donor Registry for our prospective parents to review. Our program is set up to be anonymous between both parties so you may not ever meet or speak with the recipient couple. If you are amenable to meeting or having a confidential call (where only first names are exchanged) between parties you may so indicate on the application, however, please understand that both you and the recipient must be in mutual agreement on the matter.

Appointments are scheduled at our agency to allow prospective parents the opportunity to review the Donor Registry. The donor registry is also available to prospective parents via a highly secure website. In addition to the copy of your application, the couple will be able to see photographs of yourself and your children, which further helps them in making a selection -- especially in cases where a close physical resemblance is important to the prospective parents. Your choice of photos is important and they should be of good clarity and ideally, will present you throughout the years. (Photos will be returned if you so indicate when you send them in to be scanned).

Prior to your inclusion in our Donor Registry, you will be required to have an appointment with our licensed Clinical Counselor. This appointment will last approximately one hour. As well, you will need to have some preliminary blood tests performed. After this preliminary screening, if you are declined as an applicant, please note that under no circumstances are we at liberty to reveal the reason or reasons that your application is turned down.

Once in the Donor Registry and a Recipient selects you, the Donor Coordinator will call you to confirm your selection and schedule you for the day of pre-cycle screening which will take place at the medical center. If you live outsite of the Bay Area, we will arrange the necessary travel accommodations for you.

The pre-cycle screening will include a psychological consult and a consult with a Clinical Nurse Coordinator who will map out the upcoming treatment cycle (basically the person who tells you the "who, what, when, where and why" of the cycle). This is followed by a medical consult that includes a pelvic examination and ultrasound. And, finally, your blood will be drawn to test for HIV, Hepatitis, Syphilis and other sexually transmitted diseases (screening required by California law).

Stage Two: Synchronization and Stimulation

Once all parties are screened, you will customarily be started on low dose birth control pills. The purpose of taking the pill is to help get your cycle synchronized with the recipient's cycle. You may spend 14-21 days or longer on the pill after which the clinic will have you begin Lupron (leuprolide acetate) injections or Synarel nasal spray. Lupron is self-administered by needle injection in the abdominal wall or upper thigh, just underneath the skin. This is called a subcutaneous injection. Synarel is taken as a twice-daily nasal spray. You will receive injection instructions from the medical staff at the clinic. If at any time you are not clear on how to give the injection or how much medication to take, you should call the clinic directly. Lupron and Synarel are synthetic hormones, which work to temporarily suppress the pituitary gland so that the stimulation of your ovaries can be more completely controlled. In more basic terms, the Lupron/Synarel will shut down your ovulation, putting you in a short-term menopausal condition, which may cause the following side effects: hot flashes, mild headaches or a sense of fatigue. Of course, you may not have any side effects at all -- hormones can cause different reactions in each person. Your Lupron or Synarel will continue daily for a period of approximately 20-30 days. There are no adverse effects on a pregnancy or any long-term adverse effects for you.

After 14 days injecting Lupron or using the nasal spray Synarel, you will begin a series of injections using hormones called gonadotropins like Gonal-f, Follistim, Repronex or Menopur. At this time you will be using both Lupron or Synarel and Gonal-f or Follistim as well as Repronex or Menopur. The active ingredient in Gonal-f/Follistim/Repronex/Menopur is known as follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) because it works to increase the number of follicles developing in the ovaries. The follicles are the fluid filled sacs within the ovaries that contain the eggs. These hormones are injected directly under the skin of your abdominal wall or upper thighs (subcutaneous injections). You will be required to give the shots on a daily basis for a period of about 10-14 days. You will receive the necessary medical instruction from the clinic. Again, if you are unsure of dosage or process of how to give the shot, please contact the clinic directly. A missed injection can have disastrous effects on cycle outcome. The dose of Gonal-f/Follistim/Repronex/Menopur may be adjusted during the cycle depending upon the response of the ovaries.

Fertility medications have been used extensively for over twenty years and are not associated with any type of cancer, birth defect, or increase in miscarriage. Side effects of gonadotropins are secondary to their action on the ovaries and are related to ovarian stimulation. If you are prone to premenstrual syndrome (PMS) you may feel some of the side effects attributed to the gonadotropin injections. These effects are usually mild and may include allergic sensitivity, breast tenderness, abdominal bloating, headaches and/or mood swings. You may even gain a few pounds, which will only be a temporary weight gain as it is when you have PMS.

In rare cases (1-2%), over stimulation of the ovaries may occur. Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) generally causes enlargement of the ovaries accompanied by abdominal discomfort and/or pain. In severe cases it could lead to hospitalization. It is expected that these symptoms will cease 2-4 weeks following the treatment cycle. The physician will discuss any concerns you may have about OHSS at the time of your initial consultation.

Monitoring

IVF cycles are monitored in two ways: vaginal ultrasound and hormone blood tests (blood draws). Monitoring is necessary in order to assess the growth and development of the follicles and to minimize the possibility of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). At the start of injections and after about seven days of gonadotropins, frequent ultrasound monitoring and blood tests begin.

Ultrasounds allow the physician to obtain an image of the follicles as they grow and develop in the ovaries. Both the number and size of the follicles can be determined by ultrasound, which is essentially a painless procedure. You may feel the pressure of the transducer in your vagina; however, this is not harmful to either your organs or the developing eggs.

As follicles develop, the ovaries secrete increasing amounts of the hormone estradiol. The level of estradiol indicates the degree of ovarian stimulation and is used in conjunction with the ultrasound to adjust the dose of medication and to time the HCG injection (short for "human chorionic gonadotropins"). HCG is a natural hormone and works to stimulate ovulation; it has been used safely for many years.

HCG is your final injection and this initiates the final stage of maturation and timing of the egg retrieval.

Stage Three: Egg Retrieval

The egg retrieval will occur about 36 hours after the injection of HCG. Egg retrievals are usually scheduled early in the morning (between 7:30 a.m. and noon). The method by which the eggs are retrieved at PFC is an ultrasound directed needle aspiration. This is a procedure, performed under anesthesia, such that you will be totally comfortable and pain-free. The ultrasound probe with a needle guide is placed in the vagina, which allows an aspiration needle to be inserted through the upper portion of the vagina directly into the ovary. The ultrasound image allows the physician to accurately guide the needle into each follicle for aspiration or "suction". As the fluid is aspirated, the egg is released and collected in the laboratory.

The retrieval process takes approximately 15-30 minutes. Following the retrieval you are asked to remain at the clinic for one to two hours to recover from the anesthesia. You must plan on having someone available to drive you home as you have been under the effects of anesthesia and cannot (by law) drive yourself home or take public transportation. You must be accompanied home. When you are released from the clinic you may resume light daily activities. It is very common to experience some cramping and spotting following the process and the clinic will prescribe the appropriate pain medication. You will be scheduled for a care call with the nursing staff the day following the retrieval. You should be cautious of increased fertility for several days prior to the egg retrieval and for several days after the egg retrieval and should avoid sexual relations seven days prior to the egg retrieval and for two weeks after the retrieval (until you get your next menstrual period).

The donor fee ($6,500 for first-time donors and $7,000 for repeat donors)
is remitted following the egg retrieval. If the Donor Coordinator is available to hand deliver the fee, you will receive it on the day of your retrieval and, if she is not able to personally deliver it to you, it will be sent via Fed Ex for prompt delivery.

Stage Four: Fertilization and Embryo Transfer

Once the eggs are retrieved, the laboratory staff will begin the process of fertilization (the union of the sperm and egg). It is a very complex process and takes place in the laboratory adjoining the clinic. The retrieved eggs are immediately examined by the embryologist and then placed in a specialized culture medium and allowed to remain there undisturbed for 2-3 hours. A semen sample is prepared using different laboratory techniques with the more vigorous, motile sperm, which are then added to the medium containing the eggs. By the following day the eggs will have fertilized. The fertilized egg is now called an embryo. An embryo transfer will usually take place after the embryos have developed in the laboratory for three to five days.

The embryo transfers take place at the clinic and is a very simple procedure -- it requires no anesthesia and lasts only minutes. The embryos are placed in a thin catheter, which is then passed through the cervix into the uterine cavity, and it is there that the embryos are gently deposited. Following the transfer, the recipient remains resting for about 15 minutes and returns home to routine activity. We will not know the outcome for at least two weeks following the transfer. If you would like to know whether or not a pregnancy results, we can make those arrangements.