I'm about to go to the cardiologist again to have them evaluate the results that this heart monitor has been recording.

I feel at peace with the fact that I may not get to donate my eggs after all. It saddens me beyond belief, but I always knew there was a slight chance I wouldn't make it to the egg retrieval. All those months ago, signing all those contracts it clearly states that at any time the cycle could be stopped.

I know that this is about my health and well being, and I feel fortunate that everyone is taking that into such consideration.

If I start to think though, I remember the whole reason I signed up in the first place. I wanted to help a complete stranger have a baby. So again, the part that worries me the most is letting her down. Nobody anticipated there would be heart problems associated with this!

I don't know if they've even told her that there are some complications with me. I don't even know if anyone considers it a complication. But the fact is that in a couple hours I will either be cleared for the egg retrieval surgery or we'll have to cancel it completely.

I've been trying so hard to stay calm today. I hope more than anything that the results show that my heart is fine.

But then again, I truly believe that whatever is supposed to happen will, even if it doesn't make sense or isn't what I want.