My letter to the Intended Parents

Hello!

I've been wanting so badly to write to you, but I wasn't sure it would be allowed. And now that I've been given the go-ahead, I find myself at a loss for words. But at the same time, I have so much that I want to say to you! I’ve been trying to figure out for a few days what to write to you...

First of all, thank you so much for selecting me to be your egg donor. You have no idea how much this means to me. When they called me to say I had been matched I almost cried I was so excited! Immediately my thoughts turned to you, and I haven’t stopped thinking about you since. I wonder what your fertility journey has been like, if you have any children already, and if your family is as supportive as mine is with regards to egg donation/IVF. I think about your hopes and dreams for the future, and I’m so proud that I get to help you create the family you long for.

I want you to know that I’m taking this very seriously, and that I hope you don’t have a doubt in your mind about choosing me! I want so badly for this work, and I truly believe that it will. I’ve been doing a lot of reading online about the relationships between egg donors and the intended parents, and one issue that keeps coming up is that a lot of women seem to want some sort of contact with their egg donor. So I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that I’m here if you have any questions at all. I’m very open with my thoughts and feelings, so feel free to use that to your advantage!

I feel like we are living these oddly parallel lives, yet are complete strangers. I find myself smiling even more than usual, just in case you happen to recognize me while I’m out somewhere. I’m making sure to take care of my body so that the eggs I produce are healthy and everything you need them to be. I don’t know if you plan on telling the child about the miracle of their conception, and it is obviously your right to do whatever you believe is best. I trust that you will be wonderful loving parents, which is all any child really needs!

When I tell people what I’m doing, they have a million questions, mostly surrounding my desire to participate in the first place. I go on to explain that I’ve known for a while that I wanted the chance to do this, and that there is no greater gift that I can think of giving. I know that one day I will understand a little bit more what it’s like to be in your shoes, as I turn to a sperm donor to help me conceive. I already struggle with wondering if I’ll choose an anonymous or known donor, and in that regard I can understand how you might feel towards me.

Please don’t feel like you are obligated to respond to this email, I hope I didn’t catch you off guard or make you uncomfortable in any way! I just wanted to send you a sort of virtual hug, a way for you to get a better sense of what this all means to me. I am so excited for you and your husband, and when I saw your “Intended Parents” signatures on my copy of the contract it all became so very real. It gave me goosebumps to think that we both sat in that same office.

I could probably go on forever, but I wanted to keep this short and sweet. My thoughts and best wishes are with you, and I hope this email finds you as excited and hopeful as I am.