Not pregnant.

I got this email today-

Unfortunately, your recipient had a negative pregnancy test this morning. :( It looks like there was a sperm issue looking at the number of embryos that were created. But I know you wanted to know the outcome, even if it wasn’t positive. The good news is that they have 2 more embryos to try with and hopefully the second time around will work out for the better. Sorry to give you this news, but you did everything you could and unfortunately, it just doesn’t work out sometimes for one reason of another. Hope all is well, and I’ll keep in touch! Take care.

I'm so disapointed. I feel so sad for the Intended Parents. I can't believe that out of 14 good eggs they only have 2 embryos left. I guess the IF's spermies just didn't like my eggies!

I hope they get pregnant with their next try. It makes me really frustrated that I still got paid even though they may never get their baby. It seems so unfair. The whole infertility thing is so unfair.

Teenagers all over the world have sex just once and get pregnant. And there are loving couples who try for a baby for years and can't get pregnant. How does that make any sense?

How long will it take for Pam and I to have a baby? As excited as I am to start our journey to mommy-hood the emotional roller coaster of it has me terrified. At least we've got love, and that's all you realy need.

Hopefully next month I'll get the good news that THEY have good news.

Post-Op

I had my post-op appointment this morning. I had no idea what to expect. I got to the clinic and they brought me into one of the rooms and said I didn't have to undress. I laughed to Pam that it was the first time I'd been in that room without taking my clothes off. I was weighed and they took my blood pressure and temperature.

The donor coordinator gave me my check and a thank you note and a really pretty beaded bracelet that one of the other coordinators made. When I first saw the gift bag I was hoping it was something from the Intended Parents, I would have really appreciated a small token of thanks from them. I know they gave me $7,000 but I'm sentimental and would have loved to know they thought about me and wanted me to have a tangible reminder of how thankful they are.

Then the doctor came in and I laid down and she felt my stomach in a few places and then said I was fine and not at risk anymore to develop OHSS. She said I can go back to drinking water (YAY!) and taking baths (DOUBLE YAY!!)

Yesterday one of my coworkers asked if I would donate again, if the compensation was worth it all. My answer is that I would donate again if the timing was right, and that the emotional aspect of it was worth so much more than the money. I loved feeling so special and needed. It was such an ego boost to know how important my role was.

And now I'm back to normal.

Comments!

I've gotten a couple of comments and emails from people saying that they've been reading my blog. That's awesome! I always wonder if anyone had found it. I sent the link to my family and friends, so I'm curious if it comes up in searches or what.

Thanks for the comments, and remember to ask questions if you have them! :)

As for me, I'm feeling ok, still a little sore when I walk or stand up and sit down. It's not exactly pain, but it kinda feels like a bruise, if that makes sense. I have had cramps from my period that are 10 times worse than any pain I've felt through this process! I get cramps so bad that I'm writhering in pain and crying and feeling nauseous.

Work was fine yesterday, but I was definitely ready to come home and sit on the couch and play video games! Thank goodness I only work 4 hours right now. The heat has been terrible, it was hard to fall asleep last night because it felt like I was baking to a crisp, I finally had to get up and hold an ice pack to my forehead. I was spread out all over the bed that Pam ended up sleeping on the couch because she didn't want to make me move. Ah, love!

photos!

Pictures from this morning's adventure!

Waiting for the egg retrieval procedure to begin.


Enjoying my juice box...just after waking up. I remember feeling slightly disoriented but can't remember actually waking up. I was shocked how normal I felt, I didn't feel groggy or anything. I was laughing with the nurses and talking with the Dr and to Pam and I really assumed I'd be feeling awful at that point. I was super thirsty and so they gave me some juice.


They insisted on wheeling me out, but I could've walked!


I just took a bunch of medicine: Vicodin for the pain (which isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be...but I've got the meds so I'm taking them!), Doxycycline so I don't get an infection, and Toprol for my heart to stay normal.

It says I have to take the antibiotic with a full glass of water...but my post-op paper says I'm not allowed to drink water. Go figure. And water is the only drink I love! I can't have iced tea either because that's water. Apparently water will go straight to making me bloated and feeling crappy, so I have to go without it.

And anytime I'm not supposed to do or have something I want it even more! Really though, nothing quenches my thirst like water would. I can drink juice and gatorade and ginger ale all day but still feel thirsty. So annoying. But I'm drinking because everyone said too. And I'm peeing so much more than usual. I think I've gone like 8 times today. I was worried at first that it would hurt to go, but nope. I haven't bled at all either, so that's awesome. I took a nap and I've been eating and generally feeling ok. I'm taking tomorrow off to rest some more, and hoping to return to work on Wednesday.

I still can't believe it's all over.

The egg retrieval...

I'm home! It's all done!

The surgery went fine. I started to cry when the nurse was explaining what to do when I walked into the operating room, she said it's a bit intimidating and it was. I gave Pam a hug and saw she was crying too so that got me even more emotional. As we walked into the room the nurse said "Just remember that you are doing something great and helping a couple have a baby!" and I said "I know, and I'm excited but still it's scary!"

Then I laid down on the table and they had me all hooked up with my IV and heart monitor and blood pressure and all that. The Dr said "Ok, I'm giving you the anesthesia now, it's your personal cocktail... maybe a mojito." I said "Nah, how about a Pina Colada?" and they all laughed (there were like 5 people in the room) and then they gave me an oxygen mask and I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew I was back in the recovery room and waving to Pam. She sat down next to me and said "Wow that was so quick."

Less than 20 minutes had past. The nurse asked how I was feeling and I said I was thirsty and kinda felt like I was having cramps. She gave me some pain medication and a juice box. The Dr came over and said I did great and said I told him I was dreaming of eating. LOL! I don't remember that at all but I don't doubt it!! He said they got 23 eggs and from those it looks like 14 are good and will go on to be fertilized. That's a good number, because he said they average about 11.

My heart was fine during the procedure, they said I was a great patient and all my hard work paid off. I said "You guys always make me feel like such a superstar!" and the Dr said "That's because you really are!"

An hour later I got in a wheelchair and we went home. :) Everyone kept thanking me for what I did and said now my job is to take care of myself. The pain is like a slight crampy feeling, but it doesn't go away like cramps do.

But get this- I'm not allowed to drink water!!!! I have to have clear juices or Gatorade, which I hate. It tastes like salt water! And I can't take a bath for 5 DAYS!!!! I'm so upset by that. Showers are fine but no submerging in water. Sucks. Baths are the only thing that makes me feel better!

Although this Vicodin is my new best friend... and I can take 1-2 pills every 4-6 hours. I don't feel any pain at all. They keep warning of feeling nauseous and I have some anti-nausea medication but I feel good right now. I'm under risk of developing Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, but hopefully if anything I'll only get mild symptoms. The highest risk is 6-8 days from now. Basically, even though they took out the eggs from my follicles, they are now filling up with fluid and will stay enlarged until I get my period in a couple of weeks, which is when I go back to completely normal. The bad part is if they fill up with too much fluid too quickly. But I'm closely monitored and not too worried.

Pam's making me potato soup and it smells SO GOOD. She also bought me a cute basket full of Daisies. I love her. The staff at the clinic was saying that maybe the next time they saw us would be when we're trying for a baby. I can't wait to have children and I'm so glad that I was able to donate my eggs and help a couple have children. The money I received is going straight into an ING account labeled "Baby Fund" for us to use once we start our journey to mommy-hood.

And so my part is done, and those eggs are sitting in the lab maturing for a while until they mix in the intended father's sperm and then in a few days they implant an embryo into the intended mother! And hopefully it sticks and she gets pregnant!! I can't wait to find out.

Ovidrel and waiting for the retrieval

The trigger shot last night was fine, no pain at all.

I have a couple of tiny bruises on my belly from the last couple of injections that kinda hurt.

I had more blood drawn today and then spent the rest of the day at home lounging around. I'm getting much more uncomfortable. The heat these last few days has been awful, I sit on the couch wathing TV and sweat. It's gross.

Pam made a nice healthy dinner of lots of veggies. Plus mashed potatoes, my ultimate comfort food.

I want to go to sleep early. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight...including tomorrow morning! Not even a sip of water. Ugh. So I want to go to sleep and wake up and just go right to the clinic.

I'm feeling nervous and anxious and mostly worried about how I'll be acting tomorrow. I don't want to panic and start crying, but I start to tear up thinking about it! I'm worried about the anesthesia and falling asleep, I wish Pam could be with me, and I want her there when I wake up. I don't know when she will be allowed to come see me and that makes me scared.

I am worried about my recovery, and worried about feeling nauseous.

I think I'll just try to sleep now so it'll just be here and I can stop waiting and worrying. I'm still excited but now there is all this reality of what's about to happen.

Estrogen Levels...

The normal estradiol level for women in my age bracket of 20-29 years old is 149.

Throughout this process and after each day of blood work the clinic calls to tell me about my rising levels, which is a good thing.

I remember them saying I was the 400's, and recently it was around 1,300.

I just got a call that I'm at 2,933.

Holy crap!!!! I'm amazed that my body is going through so much and I feel relatively normal.

Well actually, I feel slightly off, tired and a bit yucky in my tummy. I took a nap which is odd, and woke up feeling groggy and hungry but I don't really feel like eating. Which is also odd for me! But I don't feel ANYTHING like I assumed I would. I thought I'd be having mood swings or hot flashes or at least some side effects. But all I get is an occasional slight headache and I can feel my ovaries thumping around which is getting more uncomfortable each time I stand up and walk around!

I'm doing the Ovidrel HCG shot at 11 pm tonight. The egg retrieval will be at 10 am on Monday morning. I'm relieved that I only have one more injection. Even though they don't hurt (Well, these last ones have hurt a bit, I've been feeling it sting when the medication is injected, but the actual needle doesn't hurt) it's been an emotional roller coaster just to get them done! Thank god for Pam who has truly been so amazingly supportive and an awesome nurse!