<3

Today was the first day of school. I went to the clinic and had my blood drawn and bruised for the first time. (After about 12 blood draws I'd say that's pretty good!) Then I went to the surgery room and met with the anesthesiologist who was so nice. Everyone at that clinic is amazing, they all make me feel like a million bucks. She had me lay on a bed and hooked me up to an automatic blood pressure machine and put the thingie on my finger and also she put 3 electrodes on my chest to have an ECG.

The machine started beeping and within a few seconds my heart beat pattern printed out.

This is my heartbeat:



This is what a normal heartbeat should look like:



She said I have a heart arrhythmia, which can be totally normal and if there is no history of heart problems it could very well be brought on my stress and anxiety. Both of which I've been experiencing almost nightly due to my injections. Last night I did my Lupron injection with no problem. Then it took me over an hour to do the Follistim injection. I was crying and freaking out and asking Pam for help then yelling at her and telling her to go away and then crying that she left...and after an hour of that we finally had me lay down on the bed and Pam acted like a nurse and just swabbed my belly, pinched, and did it. The second she did it I was fine and back to normal, just sorry for how I had acted. I don't know why sometimes it's so hard for me to do, but as always, the second it's done I'm fine and cursing myself for getting so worked up over nothing.

I'd say that's pretty stressful.

The anesthesiologist also said I was having PVC's, which I looked up:

Premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) are extra, abnormal heartbeats that begin in one of your heart's two lower pumping chambers (ventricles). These extra beats disrupt your regular heart rhythm, which normally starts in the upper right chamber (atrium). As a result, you may feel a flip-flop or skipped beat in your chest. Premature ventricular contractions are very common — they occur in most people at some point.

Why do extra beats occur?
The reasons aren't always clear. Certain triggers, heart diseases or changes in the body can make cells in the ventricles electrically unstable. Underlying heart disease or scarring may also cause electrical impulses to be mis-routed.

Premature ventricular contractions may be associated with:
Chemical changes or imbalances in the body
Certain medications, including common asthma medications
Alcohol or illegal drugs
Increased levels of adrenaline in the body, caused by caffeine, exercise or anxiety
Injury to the heart muscle from coronary artery disease, congenital heart disease, high blood pressure or infections (myocarditis)

So we're hoping it's not an underlying heart problem but just from stress.

I have to get more blood drawn and an ultrasound tomorrow morning, then at 3 I go back to the hospital and meet with a cardiologist to have some more tests done. This time I'll have a 12 electrodes placed on my body, and then I'll get an Echocardiogram.

Echocardiogram: A hand-held device (transducer) placed on your chest uses sound waves to produce images of your heart's size, structure and motion.

If they still need more data, I might have to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours so they can record at what point my heartbeat does what. I started to cry when the anesthesiologist was telling me I had to see a heart doctor. I explained that I don't have health insurance, but it turns out that this falls under the coverage of the plan that the intended parents were required to take for me. So I guess that means they get billed for this, which makes my heart a little sad to think about.

Now. The doctors have been calling me all day to set up this appointment and ask health history questions and all sorts of stuff. But the one thing they keep saying is to calm down and don't stress out.

And I just happened to have one of my most stressful days at work ever...my schedule is all screwy and I was so upset and kept crying. I'm emotional to begin with, but I'm wondering if I'm extra emotional due to the hormones. Either way, it was a crappy day because I found out I don't have the position I've had for the last 3 years...instead I'm going to have to spilt my time all over the place, and after all that I'm still not elegible for benefits!!

The good thing (well, I don't know if it's actually good but I've been waiting for it!) is that I finally for the first time feel something in my ovaries!! As much as the heart thing worries me, I keep thinking it can't be THAT awful if they are still saying to go ahead and stay on track for the egg donation.

The anesthesiologist even said that the next time she'd see me it would be for the retrieval surgery. So that's awesome. Apparently they aren't too alarmed, and are just being extra cautious for my own safety, which makes me feel really good.

When I walk I feel a dull thud in my lower stomach, on alternating sides and with each step. I can only imagine it's my growing follicles that are enlarging my ovaries and I'm so glad I can feel it! It's supposed to get pretty uncomfortable in a few days, I'm 6 days away from the surgery and by then I should be ready for them to take the eggies out!

Right now it's not bad at all, in fact I feel pretty good considering everything.

My Heart

Went to the clinic this morning for some blood tests and an ultrasound. A nurse checked my weight and blood pressure and then checked my pulse. She asked if I have an irregular heart beat and I said no.

Because I don't.

Then the doctor came in and listened to my breathing and heart and she paused and asked if I have a heart murmur. And I said, "Not that I know of, but the nurse said the same thing?"

So she listened some more and said there is definitely an irregular beat. Then she asked if I had breakfast, and I said no. I asked what was wrong and she said probably nothing, but I should speak to my healthcare provider. I explained that my health insurance ran out and she said that she will talk to the other doctors there and figure out what I should do, if anything.

Then she said that I just might have to get it checked out before the surgery because the anesthesiologist have to be sure my heart can handle being slowed down.

And apparently my heart is beating slowly.

Then she did the ultrasound and I got to see the follicles my body is growing. Everything looks good, she said they are still small but I should start feeling something in a couple of days.

I left and sat in my car and called Pam. Then I hung up the phone and felt my pulse on my wrist. And there it was.

beat, beat, beat, beat, ....., be, BEAT, beat, beat, beat, beat, ....., ....., BEAT

It seems normal then all of a sudden it stops beating, then it does a tiny barely there beat, followed by a bigger faster beat. And it continues on like that, but not in a pattern. There can be 3 regular beats then the pause, or 10 regular beats then the pause.

WTF?!

Where did that come from and how long has it been doing that?! How does that come out of nowhere?! I totally freaked out and called Pam back and started crying. It feels really creepy to feel your heart stop beating for a second.

I came home and started researching online and found that a typical person's hear beats 60-100 times per minute. I checked mine and it just barely made 60 beats. Tried again and got 64. Tried again and got 62.

Bradycardia is defined as a heart rate less than 60 beats per minute although it is seldom symptomatic until below 50 bpm.

So, I guess I'm ok? Ugh. I wasn't expecting heart problems!!

Follistim and my birthday.

Had another hard time with the Lupron injection, we were staying in a hotel in SF for our 5 year anniversary so we brought a cooler with us. We had a great day at the Exploratorium museum, and a delicious dinner, and went back to the hotel to change and get ready to go to a concert. I was going to quickly inject myself but I froze up again. I knew we were in a rush and I think that made it worse, but after about 10 minutes I did it. I wish I could figure out why some times are harder than others.

That morning we went to the clinic and I had an ultrasound and blood drawn and they called and said everything was looking good and now I'm on the next step! So last night I reduced my Lupron from 10 to 5, and then gave myself 225 units of Follistim. That Follistim Pen is intense. The instruction booklet is easy to follow though, and we had practiced at the clinic but still, it's a bit intimidating. I took a couple of minutes to do it but then I was done and it's pretty much as easy as the Lupron.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I kept trying to feel if anything was different yet. I shouldn't think about it, but I can't help it. I feel like there should be something changing...I mean, I know there is inside of me, but I keep waiting to actually notice it. I'm sure once I do I'll wish I didn't though!

Today is my 26th birthday.

I feel good, tired, but I think it's from staying up so late. (I was up till midnight, which for me is very late!!) And I kinda almost think I feel something. I got my period 2 days ago, it's light but I still had my normal awful cramps the first day. But today I feel like there are almost tiny waves of cramp-like feelings.

We're going out for an early dinner with a bunch of frieds and then dessert, hopefully at the Fondue place. I'm going to take the cooler with me again and leave it in the car just in case we don't make it back home in time. The night of the concert I spoke with the doctor and she said it's fine to take the injections an hour or so earlier or later than the target time. I still try to aim for 9pm.

I'm scheduled for the egg retrieval on August 26th. That's in only 10 days!

Video clip of my Lupron Injection...

A short little video update!



Dude, check out that awesome roll of belly I can grab on to! Thank goodness for layers of fat to keep the injections painless!

(P.S. I'm back to counting calories as soon as this is over. lol...)

This is getting so much easier!

Both last night and tonight's injections took less than 2 minutes to do. We went out for ice cream and while standing in line my reminder alarm went off and I realized we had to get home! (Don't worry- we had time to get our ice cream!!)

I walked in the door and got the needle ready and warmed up to room temperature and then BAM! All done! I even let Pam watch.

Nothing to it. ;)

Tonight's Lupron Injection...

...Took place in a bathroom stall during a wedding reception!

We were about to leave and get home in time to do it, but the bride asked us to stay a few more minutes so we did. I went into the bathroom and held up my dress, and Pam was in the stall next to me going potty. Then as she flushed the toilet I did it. Lol. And it was nothing. Just like the others. So easy. Took less than 2 minutes this time.

I'm finally getting the hang of it I think! But I should have held the syringe in my hand a bit longer because it was still a little cold so I felt the liquid going in as I pushed it. So this was the first time I think that I didn't cry. It seems so silly but I'm just being truthful!

Yay for me! :)

#4!

Last night I finally was able to do it myself! It took a while... I get so worked up about it and then I want to punch myself in the head. I know it's not a big deal, but I have these mini panic attacks and I felt like throwing up and I kept shaking.

Really it's a bit dramatic. Pam was getting frustrated that I was taking so long, I think we were in the bathroom for 30 minutes. And then I did it. And it was done and all was fine.

I really really hope it's easier now, though tonight we'll be at a wedding so I'm not sure how that'll work...I guess we'll just take the filled syringe and keep it in a cooler in the car until its time?